Designer: Manikka
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6

this week was undeniably a great week, yes.

with all the love and chocolates and flowers and whatnot.



but when all the excitement dies down, and life returns to it's normal speed again, i just sit around and wonder sometimes.

i'm so glad for this week, really. because of everything; vday, take five, class, touchrug. and because yesterday cheriejie, martinkorkor and his fiance cooked dinner for us, and it was really great! and then melanie sleptover, and we talked and talked and talked until my throat hurt.

and i'm really thankful for my cousin dearest (: because it's really amazing how close we are because i know not everyone is this close to their cousins, and melanie and cherie are the most wonderful cousins anyone can ask for (: because we sit around and camwhore and shop and do silly things and ask silly questions like how to use tampons >< and basically we have lots of fun together!

but as i was talking to melanie last night, i suddenly felt this sudden sadness in my heart, because i told her a lot of things that i have never told anyone in school before, and then i realised how lonely i am sometimes. i thought i had so many close friends, but when i realised i said so much to melanie last night that i would never/ have never said to anyone else before, i realised how lonely i've been all this while. and this void isn't one that can be filled with words or hugs or anything. not permanently, at least.

and dont get me wrong, i know it's my fault. there are really a lot of wonderful people around me, but at times like this when mr hyde surfaces, i can't help but find a million reasons to hate my life. i dont know whether sometimes it's because i expect too much of you, but when i think of some stuff sometimes, i seriously wonder if i've made the right choices. but even if i haven't, what can i do?

i feel so alone sometimes, because yes i do have a lot of people to have fun with, but sometimes it all seems so frivolous, because what comes after the laughter is silence.

silence is golden?

i dont know where i stand in your lives sometimes. actually, i might not even know where you stand in mine. because sometimes i can't help but feel we're all on different wavelengths. our priorities, our ideals, our goals, our thoughts might even be polar opposites. and i think it's been really telling recently.

i think i need to be less dependable on other people. to be more independant and learn how to cope with being alone. because i guess it's the most secure, is it not?

i'm so glad i talked to melanie over these past two days, because i guess i really needed someone who would just listen to me go on and on without any preconceptions, and with her i felt like someone sortof really understood <3

and i know it's chinese new year, it's the festive season, and everyone is supposed to be radiating with joy and family love, but i guess i would probably be alright soon again, thankgod emoness is like a swinging pendulum, so at least i'm given some time to enjoy at the other end.

if you've bothered to read till here, thank you very much for bothering, and dontworry i'll probably be alright in a while.